The Philosopher's Song

Emmanual Cant was a real pissant,
and very rarely stable,
Eidegger, Eidegger was a boozy beggar
who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume
good old Freidrich Able
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietchez couldn't teach ya 'bout the raising of your wrist.
Socrates himself was permanently pissed.

John Steward Mill, of his own free will,
on a half a pint of shandy was particularly ill,
Plato, they say, could stick it away
half a crate of whisky every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
Hobbs was fond of his dram,
And Renie Descarte was a drunken fart,
"I drink therefore I am".

Yes and Socrates himself is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.